ghostwheel
January 31st, 2005, 07:00 AM
I saw this post on the net in Hawaii and it was so funny i HAD to post it.
Enjoy! :lol:
Top 5 reasons not to marry a surfer
1. He was cute at first, but don't fall for it. They get fat. Not just cute, meat-on-the-bones fat, but enormously and grossly overweight. There must be some medical explanation for this cute-surfer-turned-fattie. Think CONSTANT FEAR of heart attack. Think water balloon with a rubber band around it. Think slowing metabolism mixed with sun-damaged skin, a stoner laugh and a fierce desire to wear size 32 shorts on a size 40 bod.
2. They think they're still hot. Yes, my husband walks around w/his shirt off, dissolving the myth that he's hiding a watermelon under his shirt. Where there was once a six-pack and golden brown skin, there is now a snow white piko that could hide Osama Bin Laden. And I'm not kidding; I lost an earring once; a few days later I plucked it from his belly button. And he thought it was cute; like he was some sort of happy meal w/ a prize inside. "I'm lovin' it" is not my mantra.
3. You stay hot; he doesn't keep up his end of the bargain. All of a sudden, really gorgeous men begin picking up on you. In places you never imagined...at the playground with my kid? In line for the bathroom at starbucks? While listening to the flute guy at Manoa Safeway? They come out of the woodworks...it's like they know you're growing weary of ANOTHER night of sex with the gut. And here you are with that g**d*** ring on your finger. You keep your hand in your pocket, praying to dear God that your significant udder doesn't waddle up to you and the hot fireman to offer that surfer handshake, or shaka the guy, or talk about waves he hasn't seen in, uh, 3 years?!?!
4.He will become stylistically stuck in his best surfing year. My husband? Say hello 1997. Scrunched up white socks nearly to his knees, bad polyester Gotcha tank top, white corduroy shorts, G shock watch. He thinks girls with poofy bangs look "hittable", that Shipley's is a good place to meet cool chicks, and that he can still fly interisland for $80 r/t (if he gets the coupons ahead of time).
5. He insists on watching OC 16 surf shows. And CRITIQUING the footage, like he's Laird. Slouched on the couch, hand down his way-too-small trunks, you almost get nostalgic, thinking of your first days, always sandy and salty, trips after Diamond Head to get shave ice at Waiaoli..then he turns on Playstation to play (yes, you guessed it) a Kelly Slater Surf game. And no, the extra exercise for his thumbs does NOT equal pleasure for his wife
Enjoy! :lol:
Top 5 reasons not to marry a surfer
1. He was cute at first, but don't fall for it. They get fat. Not just cute, meat-on-the-bones fat, but enormously and grossly overweight. There must be some medical explanation for this cute-surfer-turned-fattie. Think CONSTANT FEAR of heart attack. Think water balloon with a rubber band around it. Think slowing metabolism mixed with sun-damaged skin, a stoner laugh and a fierce desire to wear size 32 shorts on a size 40 bod.
2. They think they're still hot. Yes, my husband walks around w/his shirt off, dissolving the myth that he's hiding a watermelon under his shirt. Where there was once a six-pack and golden brown skin, there is now a snow white piko that could hide Osama Bin Laden. And I'm not kidding; I lost an earring once; a few days later I plucked it from his belly button. And he thought it was cute; like he was some sort of happy meal w/ a prize inside. "I'm lovin' it" is not my mantra.
3. You stay hot; he doesn't keep up his end of the bargain. All of a sudden, really gorgeous men begin picking up on you. In places you never imagined...at the playground with my kid? In line for the bathroom at starbucks? While listening to the flute guy at Manoa Safeway? They come out of the woodworks...it's like they know you're growing weary of ANOTHER night of sex with the gut. And here you are with that g**d*** ring on your finger. You keep your hand in your pocket, praying to dear God that your significant udder doesn't waddle up to you and the hot fireman to offer that surfer handshake, or shaka the guy, or talk about waves he hasn't seen in, uh, 3 years?!?!
4.He will become stylistically stuck in his best surfing year. My husband? Say hello 1997. Scrunched up white socks nearly to his knees, bad polyester Gotcha tank top, white corduroy shorts, G shock watch. He thinks girls with poofy bangs look "hittable", that Shipley's is a good place to meet cool chicks, and that he can still fly interisland for $80 r/t (if he gets the coupons ahead of time).
5. He insists on watching OC 16 surf shows. And CRITIQUING the footage, like he's Laird. Slouched on the couch, hand down his way-too-small trunks, you almost get nostalgic, thinking of your first days, always sandy and salty, trips after Diamond Head to get shave ice at Waiaoli..then he turns on Playstation to play (yes, you guessed it) a Kelly Slater Surf game. And no, the extra exercise for his thumbs does NOT equal pleasure for his wife