Inside the mind of Jswoll

[Jswoll]

Well, so rare these moments, when I have the ample time to exasperate every last thought on to the page. Tonight I sit and deliberate over the words I chose selectively in my blue, ancient of sorts, lazy-boy (hid snuggly adjacent a bookshelf) as I type on my computer I've quite a while ago assembled from scratch parts people donated, then overclocked, and added to (as necessary) to make a nice speedy little demon. I find the I that I am in this moment slightly more than the 'I' that I portray during my hectic work day--that which most here are accustom to, so I sought forth to set something down in pen (type, what have you!)--though I know not what at the moment so perhaps this is the truest of "rants". Tonight I went for a walk, say 3 miles (top end guess), through a paved river trail(which resemble the scenery in between zoo exhibits sort of, though lacking the snake cave and smell of feces) with my best friend and his girlfriend(which if any of you closely follow my posting would know she fulfills the whole spectrum of my "wants" in a woman), though not all of it was paved only the first third; the rest was mostly a thin strip of dirt path in the junglesque woods traveled at best only bi-weekly due to the high amount of spider webs my face encountered in the icky, "is it in my mouth?" sorta way. But we walked the early portion of the paved path and he got off on a rant about how this is a "bad" area for someone to walk along due to the crime, bla, bla, bla, etc. Ironically, she turned and said, "The first time I wanted to come here you told me to come alone." I semi-snickered to accentuate the point. Along comes a man walking back in the opposite direction; he wore those thick, black glasses that the blind and/or old women driving cars in a frightening fashion wear, and he carried what--at best, resembled a baseball bat (though shape in a far more intricately carved, as if a cane?). I recognized him as a professor of english lit. from a local college. "Yeah, he's got his stick in case somebody tries something", he said. Up comes some...um, larger "black" guys (though I live in the south and most people here make racist comments in place of "black" to which you must kinda at least knod to, to keep your "ok" status quo) and he said, " But we've got our 'Stick'(pointing to me), nobody's gonna f*** with us(laugh)". At this moment in time my mind flashed back to some childhood notion installed by watching Mr.T and listening to "Don't mess around with Jim" and (of course) "Bad, Bad Le Roy Brown" by Jim Croce, and I feel "TOUGH" and a sense of pride. We march on. It's a rather long path turning aimlessly through the river beds and still we remain only on the beginning paved sector. I'm just kinda "there" while the greater part of the people blazing this path are doing it for the "exercise" of it all. I'm cracking jokes at people’s awkward appearance to keep our little group entertained and establish an "us versus them" mentality. Now we come to the end of the pavement, a circle you'd expect to find at the end of a dead end street but half the scale, but at 12 o'clock on the dial there continue the path in a dirt trail and overgrowth. He said, "Let's go." Was it joking, was it sincere? I've know this guy for 16 years but I honestly couldn't tell, really. So? I press on into the thickness (this is about when the above said spider webs started entering the picture). They follow behind me. I find I normally dominate and set the pace in a walk due to my snatching of the head, lead position rather quickly; honestly, at best expect, strive would be a better choice of words, to keep beside me. She feels it's so I can watch for snakes; he feels it's best to keep his cigarette smoke out of our faces so he walks last. For the most part he remains on the phone to his little brother (off in college), ignoring the both of us, but, hey, great signal out there, huh? Somewhere along the line we pickup some caterpillars in my diet green tea bottle. They were dark black with orange spots, and rather hard to catch at that, but it pleased her--they later died! She was in this big black boot the doctor had put her in. Earlier she had injured her foot when the two brothers were wrestling in some drunken induced bout (spring break, I think). She'd gotten an x-ray and had a basic doctor refer her. Bringing it home I saw nothing in it (and yes I know what to look for), hearing the symptoms I felt it was a case of nerve entrapment. Later, it still seems perhaps I'm correct, though still waiting for follow-up look at MRI, p.s. I'm right! But the big boot slowed us down; I kept the lead, and dictated a slow enough pace. Somehow I ended up in f*****g Africa. I wasn't thinking of snakes when the earlier assumption of me watching out for them was made, but now, yeah, I am watching this. Earlier in the week I was in the heart of town at these same two characters in this play's house; I had just parked my car, turned to greet their two dogs loose in the year, and one was chasing this squiggly stick, a cognitive intermediary process--SNAKE! I called the dog back and went looking for something to kill it with, not knowing the best location since it's not my house, and it was long gone by the time I found something and told them about it. So I was looking for something similar, specifically black with a blue tint and a diamond head (I think it to be a black pine snake--it was freaking huge!). Bombarded by the spider webs I'm finally convinced to grab a stick and dangle it in front of me to fend them off--I chose a circular motion, the first stick snapped from doing it too fast. It wasn't my idea so I was slightly more opposed to it--in terms of a shade, or a hair, or a fraction of a percent this does to some extent come into play. We hit a field with higher grass, strawberry brushes guarding its entrance, then nothing but thigh high blades of grass. The path still persists. More strawberry brushes nearer the exit making it look as if the ground had chicken pox and we're back to the jungle. I can picture a howling monkey behind me; she starts emulating a bird (I don't know what kind though, but a bird none the less) which melts, morphs into a monkey. I air the caterpillars out and put the screw cap back on. The shady opening advances onward and the shadows no longer descend, there's the second open field. I remark, "We shall call this 'Field 2' or 'F2" for reference." A brief laugh more for the voice used than the statement of itself. We make it to a point where we finally establish our coordinates; we're some miles down the road looking on to an overpass that towered over us like I would image a dinosaur would if they still roamed. She needed to pee, ok needless fact, sorry. Now, here the path does something funny, it comes to a 90 degree turn. It abruptly stops at a rusty gate which obvious leads to the river itself, then sharply cuts the other way through a line of trees and goes off into the distance (as much of the path had at some point). I said, "Let's go." He said, "That doesn't go anywhere." She said, "Come on." There we where, a path going on to an indefinite end, the consensus of the group is indecisive though heavily weighted to the adventure side of the scale. She reluctantly concedes, thus outweighing me, so I follow suit. Amazing how the tides turned in rough waters. Somehow I turned the talk to underwear, simply because I was bored and I knew it would be a fun topic to clown around with. So after some basic banter yielding innuendo, humor, and a challenge of whose is the "best". I unbuckle my belt and pants, taking the joke directly to the uncomfortable comfort I desire. We start talking about ticks. They start the behavioristic response of itching followed by paranoia--though granted they eventually found a couple. Somewhere along the way I had found out that she'd felt a little fat due to the inactivity with the whole boot and all, she said even her boobs were getting bigger. I said that she's appreciating with time. On the way back she felt tired out, the boot had taken its toll. I offered to carry her--I actually figured it would be decent exercise for me cause I wasn't even winded doing this sh!t. She was too proud(among other things, i.e. argumentative) as I figure she'd be, but I like offering things like that cause most men can't do that for miles. Needless to say we made it back eventually. She need a pain killer for the leg so I was taken back to my car and set off to locate one (I volunteered). I knew it would make her feel much better and I had told her beforehand to stay off of it--but I feel "lazy" and "ugly", whatever. But doing that made me feel good knowing I was taking care of her, it was a sense of pride that I can't adequately describe with words. So I hit the house, take my preworkout mix (contents under wraps at the moment!), pick one up, grab a shower (tick free by the way), redress, cologne up (so fresh and so clean, clean) and deliver myself on over there. I dart out purposely though she's alone, to lift weights--priorities ya know? Now here I am; I should be reading, expanding, infesting the Platonic "ideal" of knowledge, instead I'm here ranting. It's somewhat pointless a rant, but people have asked for more of an insight to "who Swoll is". Is this it? Perhaps, but this is where my mind has drifted tonight. Somebody'd say my thoughts are drawn to a woman, that I'm entranced. Naw, not quite my style. I'm actually having a hard time with that, my best friend, his girl friend, and they don't complement each other at all (they bicker). What to do? I fill in gaps and treat her like I'm dating her (tried and true strategy but only the alpha-male gets away with it). Honestly, they both have come to me with complaints pulled from an unhappy melancholy. So am I sweating it? Guess. What lingers in the chambers of thoughts, quote the Frost, "the road not taken". There's a painful, throbbing of a sting issued to such a retreat. To come so far and turn around it makes no sense to me; what's there to relish in such defeat? Now it eats me. That's all I have at the moment, I don't know what's expected of me or what you thought this would be when you opened it up, but this is it, in it's babble, nonsensically woven mesh of pure thought. For what's it's worth I've killed some time and exasperated words.

[Jswoll]

I was figuring on just using this space to write whatever I like, pointless and/or meaningful. To just entertain and let some things out if need be. So I hope the first installment went over well let me know if you like it and we'll keep exploring the mind of Swoll.

Joe

[garb]

joe, i must admit im quite impressed with your play on words. very well written, even if you claim it to be pointless, still made me laugh at points. interesting view into the mind of jswoll. two thumbs up.

p.s. i wana know whats in that mistery mix ;)

[Jswoll]

joe, i must admit im quite impressed with your play on words. very well written, even if you claim it to be pointless, still made me laugh at points. interesting view into the mind of jswoll. two thumbs up.

p.s. i wana know whats in that mistery mix ;)
Good deal, didn't know if anybody would be interested in hearing my crazy ass ramble. But I set down to do something like this, mostly cause my mind was racing, and just let it flow and it seems I didn't end up anywhere, THIS TIME. Maybe in the future I shall strike on the nerve of some prominent matter or idea, until then I'll just keep plucking away at the keys hoping to entertain.

[babyblaze76]

Some times the greatest accomplishments of men are not to accomplish anything. You wrote about a guy who is in love with a girl that belongs to another man(a friend). It is in loneliness that madness takes over the senses. Loneliness is not a good companion but neither is the desire of the forbidden. While your mind wonders about how things would be if you were (the boyfriend)the one who she bickers at. Think about one thing..... LOVE IS THE IRRESISTIBLE DESIRE TO BE IRRESISTIBLY DESIRED. No one can have everyone they want. (trust me, I just found out this month)

keep writing...........is good for the soul.

[Jswoll]

aw, babydoll, I ain't sweating it. That was just something plaguing my noggin, next time I'll try to remain a little more upbeat. But all in all I think that, that situation will resolve itself--maybe even in my favor, I hope so, she's great. But that's neither here nor there. I'm gonna jump in my Firebird, pop the lights up, roll down the windows, and just thrive with the vibes to cool-out. The turbulent nature of Swoll is at its most calm when I'm all lone in my car; It's like I'm the hardest substance on earth and nothing can break me, bend me, forsake me, or even venture on to my plane of existence to reach me! Yet on this strange level I dislike this isolation and wish someone would "venture on to my plane of existence", so I guess I see something and somewhat pursue these thoughts. But perhaps I'll start RANT #2 tonight on, "whatever the F*** I want!" Check back tomorrow for more happenings in Swoll's brain.

[garb]

wow, my man just dropped the "L" word in here....

[Clickster]

lol at Jswoll, this is the weirdest thread ever.

[Clickster]

Am I allowed to complain in this thread too? I have a lot on my mind that I like to complain about. ;)

[Jswoll]

Am I allowed to complain in this thread too? I have a lot on my mind that I like to complain about. ;)
Sure Click just don't go wild I was just gonna use this thread to rant about whatever, working on a "Rain rant" as we speak but I may abandon it for something more interesting. I started yesterday, but the damn power went out cause I was in a storm and didn't really notice it cause I had started writing when it was just a drizzle and the next thing I know the electricity was gone.

[Jswoll]

wow, my man just dropped the "L" word in here....
I sincerely appoligize for that we'll have to clean the language up in here or else I'll evict everyone.

[Jswoll]

White people inside of a flooding Mexican restaurant tend to bond when it's pouring outside and the water starts coming inside in massive quanities even though they'd prefer to be left alone and sit quietly undisturbed at their table under normal circumstances. Me I just drink my strawberry margaritta and watch the short, stubby looking waiter boys who CAN'T speak English (that really annoys me--CAN spend our money, etc., CAN'T communicate with the natives?--neither could the pilgrims, true, but at least we had the nerve to kill off the natives then!). Floods suck, margaritta's rock, white people are weird.

P.S. Mexican waiters I ordered a strawberry daiquiri NOT a strawberry margaritta!

[Jswoll]

lol at Jswoll, this is the weirdest thread ever.
Yep, and if I have anything to say about it, it shall remain quite weird...like white people in a flooding Mexican restaurant.

[UNCfan1]

Are you white?

[Jswoll]

Are you white?
Depends on the mood I'm in, if I'm angry I turn into this big green monster, other wise...um, yea sure, but I prefer people think of me a purple (the unbiased skin color--don't get me wrong I like mexicans, I'm the least racist person in the world, I dislike spanish speaking mexican-americans TRYING to communicate with me.) So a pale shade of purple, how's that?

[UNCfan1]

Depends on the mood I'm in, if I'm angry I turn into this big green monster, other wise...um, yea sure, but I prefer people think of me a purple (the unbiased skin color--don't get me wrong I like mexicans, I'm the least racist person in the world, I dislike spanish speaking mexican-americans TRYING to communicate with me.) So a pale shade of purple, how's that?

God dang what a smartass LOL!

[Jswoll]

God dang what a smartass LOL!
:D

Just a little bit!

[garb]

swoll, so basicly you look like barney :D

[Jswoll]

swoll, so basicly you look like barney :D
No, more like a purple Godzilla if we were getting dinsauric, but if you'll excuse me it's 4:30 time to destroy Tokyo.

[garb]

lol!!!!!!!

[Jswoll]

Some times I'm not the most intelligent person in the world. I do things that are not well thought out, perhaps a bit rushed and unfortunately I am not an island and others often get caught in the wake of my mistakes. To them I apologize for not being quite sufficent enough, for falling short (as I am one to do on ocassion), and for being a somewhat unpredictable hazzard; by no means do I have an ill intentions towards anyone. I don't mean to disrupt someone's life or intrude too far too soon. Don't get me wrong there's always a good reason, reasoning, and logic (to an extent) on why I do stupid sh!t, yet in the aftermath of it all said logic seems to be but a fallacy of the mind. Here I am sitting in regret of a poorly thought out move that I made based on insufficent information. My father (for what he was worth) used to tell me, "Boy, you've got to think before you act; every action has a reaction." I guess I never really did pick up on that (but at least I am a more morally sound individual than he!!); that's a rant I care not to go through right now. I know I haven't said much of anything in this that makes sense to the average reader, but my target audience is just one person. If you think this applies to you, you are sadly mistaken. If you know it does, well it just may.

Joe

[Jswoll]

That last post might seem a bit odd, it's cool, so am I (both cool and odd, that is). But I seem to be able to mess up good things (well it sure seems like a good thing at the moment) fairly easily when I act like a little kid. By that I mean, you've all observed, that I'm basically an imaginative, creative, anxious, bottled-up little kid that cusses and lifts weights and holds an OK job and has a fairly intelligent brain on his shoulders; it's been one real FUN life, seriously, but as of late I've been trying, not to abandon these principles that have spun such an intricate web of existence rather, to expand and grow as an individual and maybe find something more in life (i.e. settle my happy ass down a bit!). That post was basically me saying how hard it is to do that, and to do things in the proper form and fashion and that I recongize that I'm not doing the greatest job at the moment and am working on it--for those who care.

I'm weird.

Peace, have a good weekend.

[Jswoll]

So it's a seemingly uneventful Friday night, I'm waxing and wanning with mi amigos. It's ever so dull, they're in the next room while I'm on a borrowed computer. Direction, that's what I lack at the moment. My little town is dead, not Elvis dead--where maybe something is still kicking around, but Lincoln dead--long gone the way of the dirt. I'm so bored at the moment. Everyone else is drinking and indulging, and me? I'm nursing some green tea like it's a stiff drink. What to do? What to do? Do you ever feel like you're doing nothing but perpetuating a cycle of non-existent living? That's what I'm feeling at this instant. Still I could use a direction on which to focus intensely on. This sort of partying has a lackluster appeal to me that seems to be souring my stomach. I could use better company than fools and their vices (harsh I know, but it is the mood I'm in). Somehow I feel my time would be better applied assembling aluminium helmets for the criminally insane. Well, I was just stopping by, and now I'm gone.

[Clickster]

lol.............

[Jswoll]

Wow, I'm still having a hard time believing people will just come in hear to hear about whatever I feel like popping off about, I am kinda liking it though; I'll try to hammer out Rant #2 and a few more Observations this weekend.

[Clickster]

Wow, I'm still having a hard time believing people will just come in hear to hear about whatever I feel like popping off about, I am kinda liking it though; I'll try to hammer out Rant #2 and a few more Observations this weekend.

Im sure I will be dumb enough to click on the thread then too. ;)

[garb]

bump.......

[dinoiii]

So it's a seemingly uneventful Friday night, I'm waxing and wanning with mi amigos. It's ever so dull, they're in the next room while I'm on a borrowed computer. Direction, that's what I lack at the moment. My little town is dead, not Elvis dead--where maybe something is still kicking around, but Lincoln dead--long gone the way of the dirt. I'm so bored at the moment. Everyone else is drinking and indulging, and me? I'm nursing some green tea like it's a stiff drink. What to do? What to do? Do you ever feel like you're doing nothing but perpetuating a cycle of non-existent living? That's what I'm feeling at this instant. Still I could use a direction on which to focus intensely on. This sort of partying has a lackluster appeal to me that seems to be souring my stomach. I could use better company than fools and their vices (harsh I know, but it is the mood I'm in). Somehow I feel my time would be better applied assembling aluminium helmets for the criminally insane. Well, I was just stopping by, and now I'm gone.

Jesus Swoll, don't jump!!! ;)

[Jswoll]

Not jumping just yet Dino, just stretching the old legs.

New semi-rant, The subconscious symbolism of haircuts, coming Monday.

[garb]

i wana see what you have to say about that, considering i have gotten a haircut since begining of feb.

[Jswoll]

Slight delay on the haircut thing, been busy, tomorrow.

[Jswoll]

So I haven't posted this week, so what could be one my mind...nothing? Well, a little bit the opposite, how about EVERYTHING. It's been a real busy week, I had most of my 2nd rant the haircut thing typed out then a friend closed it out while I was crapping, which was crappy, but I'll redo it, sometime. I've just been so busy, so I haven't forgotten this thread.